One Mountain to Another

A lot can change in a month… and even more can change in 10. When I first arrived in Kenya I was living at the base of Mt. Kilimanjaro and I was still seriously homesick. I was barely even appreciative of the opportunity to live in a third world country, let alone to know what it is like to feel at home in one. Kenyans judge how well you know Kenya by the amount of time you have stayed here. If you have only stayed in Kenya a month or a few weeks, you are like a child in their eyes and they say, “Oh, you have not yet known Kenya.” Once you have lived in Kenya for more than 4 months, then they acknowledge that you might have begun to truly know Kenya.

I arrived June 6^th in Nairobi. Today is March 14. 253 days. Getting close to an entire year living in Kenya. When in the hell did that happen? We all have our days where we don’t want to leave our homes, we just want to stay inside and watch endless amounts of TV shows and movies and pretend like we’re not in a foreign place. And other days, it’s not foreign at all. Lately I’ve had more of the latter, where I appreciate the pure beauty of the fact that there AREN’T any other white people in my village. I am the only person doing this, living right here alone, helping these people. Today I woke up, had chai, went into Kitale and ran a few errands, came back into my village to greet some of my friends in the market, checked in at my dispensary to discuss continuing my work now that I’ve returned, met with the principal of my secondary school to continue teaching lessons, came home and did Insanity, then went to the edge of my family’s shamba to check on the trees my friend Racheal and I planted and sat in the sun with my calf, two kittens, and Simba and enjoyed the view of Mt. Elgon for the rest of the afternoon. Now I’m still procrastinating on unpacking/reorganizing all of my crap that we had to pack up for consolidation… but I’m back. I’m here… for another year and a half. And I’m inspired. I’m motivated. Thank GOD, because if my mental state in PST had continued until this point, I wouldn’t have made it. Like I said, every day can be a roller coaster… but ladies and gentlemen, it is almost avocado season and my family has like 7 avocado trees soooo LET’S DO THIS! As hard as it’s been, and as many obstacles as there will surely be in the future, if the past 10 months are any indicator, I’m very intrigued to see what the next 18 have in store. 

The Ninth Month

     I can't believe I have actually been back in my village for an entire month. It does not seem like it has been 4 weeks since I returned from the beach. It seems even crazier that it's been over 2 months since Jarred was here! I guess the main reason why it is so crazy is because it really doesn't seem like I have done enough to dignify that much time having passed. Especially since I have been back in my village.

     I have initiated my Community Nutrition Garden project. I am still in the very beginning stages, and, in Kenya, so... let's not hold our breath until its completion, but it will probably end up being the biggest project of my Peace Corps service. I've met with my organization twice and today they held a meeting with the CHWs in my village to discuss how we are going to develop the groups that will run and therefore benefit from the gardens. I'm curious to see how it went and if anything was decided. One reason why this will be a tedious process is because my village doesn't have a village-like population. Namanjalala has 30k+ inhabitants scattered throughout 18 different subvillages. My suggestion was to see how many people wanted to participate in each subvillage and try to combine neighboring villages based on the amount of people and size of land available. So, now we have to find people, see if we have access to land, form the groups, have each group write an individual constitution, THEN, and only then, start writing the grant proposal. Obviously, I'll be doing research on estimates while the groups are doing their logistical processes, but it's really important that they show commitment to the project before we start funneling money out for it to fail in the beginning stages.

    I guess that will be a lot of work, if it all goes as planned, but right now most of the work it requires from me is mental. In fact, I think that most of the work we do in Kenya is just thinking. Thinking about projects, about what work is good and will actually be effective and beneficial. Doing things here is not easy. Just because life in Kenya is simpler does not mean that it is easier. You have to start from scratch and do everything yourself, or wait a loooong time for someone else to do. Maybe that's why time passes so quickly; I'm stuck in my own head a lot. Maybe that's the beauty of Peace Corps... while you're out here alone most of the time, you learn to shut up and just listen to your head. Maybe.

Warning: This Post Might Contain PG-13 Material (Or is that just normal?)

            Once again I’ve gotten distracted… big surprise. The months of November and December are a crazy, intense, amazing, once-in-a-lifetime blur to me now.

            I got engaged. Engaged. Something at one point in my life I wasn’t sure I would ever do; Not for fear that I wouldn’t find someone, but because marriage is a very complicated concept to me. I have lived a life unlike anyone else (just like everyone else), and it wasn’t always because of my good decisions… and yet somehow still managed to find a man who doesn’t think any part of me is crazy because of it. It’s a miracle. I think I’ll keep him. 

            So he was here November 15-27. We were in Nairobi a bit, visited Loitokitok, spent some times with friends near Nakuru, then stayed in my village until he had to leave. I think he would agree that it’s not really something you can fully explain; you have to experience it yourself. But he’s also pretty easy-going, I’m not sure others would be as patient and open-minded.

            After he left I stayed in Nairobi for a dentist appointment and luckily there were other PCVs staying there at the same time for various reasons so I wasn’t alone (that would not have been good for my psyche- it was good to have a distraction) until our In-Service Training in Nairobi December 2. That was a week and a half of being all back together after our first 3 months at site. It was great to compare stories and be comforted by similar experiences; but we also learned how different Peace Corps services can be.

            Regardless, being back together was really fun. I also got to meet the new volunteer that is now living in Kitale- and he’s not a loser! Yay! So after training a small group of us went on safari in the Maasai Mara. It was AWESOME. We saw everything! A pride of lions eating a water buffalo, cheetahs eating a gazelle, leopards and leopard cubs, elephants, zebras, giraffes, hippos, crocodiles! The only thing we didn’t see was a black rhino because the damn poachers nearly extinct them all! But seriously, I think we had the best possible safari luck you could have! Except we didn’t see any birthing… always a disappointment.

            Finally, I made my way back to my village. For a week. Then I went to Diani Beach for Christmas and New Years! There was a group of 12 of us in total and it was a really great group, although missing some key people who were home in the US. I think I can safely say it was unlike any vacation I’ve ever been on. I’ve never been on Spring Break but I guess it might be like that in Kenya without 18 year-olds. We did what we could with what we had: Body Painting! After being assured it would wash off (they had done it before), having an all out way and subsequently covering ourselves head to toe we found out it was oil-based wall paint… Some scrubbed themselves with gasoline, others with animal cooking fat. It’s still in the tips of my hair. Some pretty funny pictures came out of it though so I can’t say I regret my decision.

            Met people from all over the world. Opened my eyes to the awesomeness of hostels and backpackers. Swam in the Indian Ocean. Oh yeah- and CAMELS! That happened! We were tourists for two weeks, It was great. I mean, obviously I want to go back. But now it’s time to be responsible J I’m back in my village doing mobile clinics with my dispensary thanks to some donations for ample medical supplies! Also meeting with my counterpart and supervisor today to discuss trying to start community nutrition gardens (like, for the mom whose daughter I helped, perhaps?) using the information we learned at Real Impact during training. I’m really excited for it, I think that it will work in my community pretty easily… but keep your expectations low.

            Otherwise I hope everyone had a good Christmas and New Years… While we were on the beach, we all agreed that it was only good because it made us forget it was really the holidays without our families. Miss you all!

Like Christmas in July

     Well here in good old Africa it's hot like 89 percent of the time. Oh myLANTA! You must be thinking! It's like a vacation all year round! Except that it's not, because you wear floor length skirts and conservative tops every day. Shorts are a no go. And it does get pretty chilly sometimes, but it is never enough for snow! :( Snow is my favorite, and there is nothing like a snowy holiday season! We aren't really celebrating the holidays here anyway (not in the American sense anyway, they don't have money to spend on decorations or presents for eachother), except for maybe a nice dinner with my family before I leave for the beach....!!! A big group of us have planned out a trip to Diani Beach over Christmas and New Years, and it should be a really fun time! I would definitely rather be around my fiance and family but... if I have to spend the best holiday of the year in Kenya I think on the beach is my best option. Anyway, I don't know if there are any kind souls who are desperately looking to spend more money this holiday season and send me a package, here are some options!

Powdered Popcorn Cheese
Kellog's Fruit Snacks
Dierbergs Watermelon Licorice
Twizzlers
Small packets of Ranch
Thai Kitchen Lemongrass & Chili Soup Bowls
Laffy Taffy
Chili Man
Cheeze Its
Cadbury Christmas Chocolates

PS The next blog will be about Jarred's time here, I promise!

The most important (and confusing) lesson

     So other than teaching at the secondary school, I've completed my door-to-door interviews. Walking around a village for 3 months (trying to interview some 30,000+ people) waaaass... super fun. According to my statistics, I'm living in a village with about a 20% employment rate. EMPLOYMENT. Not unemployment. So if anyone is looking to, I don't know, build a huge factory that will create thousands of jobs in the middle of BFK, please call me.

      The lack of jobs in my area is a huge problem. The biggest, I think. How can a Public Health Volunteer help that? My job is supposedly to provide support for health issues, and unfortunately I don't see health as the underlying issue here. That's not to say that health isn't an issue, or that it doesn't affect people's work ethic/ability. But this idea of learned helplessness... is the bane of my existence. There is SO much potential in Kenya (and Africa), so many people, so much money to be made... but no one has the hope to dream. It is extremely discouraging to be around so much hopelessness, when people believe they have no future beyond struggling for a living. Westerners, or white people in general, are seen as dollar signs; a way out- the only way out. Kenyans don't believe they can do it themselves without a sponsor or donor money. If you don't have that, or if you can't connect them with someone who does, your face value to the community was just cut in half. And for good reason, no one has money, and everyone needs it.

     I stumbled upon a mama in a health clinic I was visiting on the outskirts of my village. She was with her 2 children; a 6mo. boy and a 2 yr. girl. The 2 year old was in and out of consciousness, unable to keep her eyes open, her limbs like jelly from lack of strength and sustenance. She has to be carried everywhere because she is so malnourished she cannot walk or even speak. She hasn't eaten in days. I recommend the clinic refer her to the district hospital, about 15 k away, or a 100 ksh piki ride (just over $1USD). Obviously, they say, they have seen this mama before and referred her, but she doesn't have the money to get there or pay for the hospital fees. I could stress the importance of seeking medical attention to this mama, and hope that somehow she finds the money to go even though there's probably a 90% chance that she will be unable and this child's health with continue to decline. Or I could take her myself, pay for the fees, and fuel the common belief that white people just have money to give away. What is the right answer? Might it be secret option C, take the child but under the premise that it is not I (the white person) who is funding the medical support but my organization, a CBO (with no funding) in Namanjalala?! In the end, it doesn't matter. We all know I wasn't going to leave that little girl to die in the clinic, and no matter where I say the money is coming from, the mama still continues to call me twice a day asking for more money.

     At the end of the day (or rather 23 days, the amount of time she spent admitted in the hospital), when I saw that 2 year old girl transform from a lifeless, lethargic, bag of tiny little bones to a smiling, giggling, healthier child that seemed to know she was there and able to eat because of this disheveled muzungu, I was okay with my decision. I can ignore the phone calls and messages, and passerby asking me for thousands of shillings for whatever reason, but I would never have been able to ignore that girl's face plastered in my mind after walking out of that clinic knowing that just because of her bad luck of being born in Kenya she would die before reaching her 5th birthday.

The day I was a Peace Corps Volunteer

     I'm sorry it has been over 2 months since my last blog post! My laptop charger broke and my wonderful fiance (Ah! Don't worry, we'll get to that!) sent me a new one, but it took me awhile to figure out that it was my charger that was the problem. Now the problem is that so much has happened since then I've been procrastinating on writing it in one cohesive blog post!

     I'll begin with what I'e been doing in my village since September. The first 3 months at site are supposed to focus on your Community Needs Assessment (CNA) for Peace Corps; a 5-10 pg report on your observations related to the potential needs of your village. In mid-October I had a visit from PC to check-in and see how everything was going. Despite feeling like I hadn't accomplished much in my first 2 months my Public Health supervisor assured me that I was on track and well integrated. I hadn't heard much from my organization until my meeting, and even after the PC meeting the trend continued so I started filling in my own schedule.
   
     I began teaching weekly lessons at a Secondary School in my village, the first set being on HIV. We split up the grades (they go Form 1, 2, 3, 4, which is equivalent to Freshman, Soph, Junior, Senior) with Form 1 and 2 girls only first, then Form 3 and 4 girls, then the boys split by age as well. I wanted to do them in smaller groups because I know that they typically have a lot of questions, and keeping students with their agemates might make them more comfortable to ask questions they would otherwise be too embarrassed to ask. So the first one went well but I wasn't sure if the students really learned that much- they were really smart and seemed to know the basics already. However, when I arrived at the school the next day to teach another lesson, the principal informed me that the girls I just taught had been discussing my lesson and what all they learned with their male classmates and he (the principal) had received several requests from Form 1 and 2 boys to be taught before the Form 3 and 4 girls. I was pretty excited! I liked teaching the girls, but I've noticed that girls around that age here get really weird and embarrassed around me and it's hard for me to not get a little self-conscious when they laugh continuously at me throughout the lesson... Plus I have a few male cousins in the US and they are at the high school age and I just love them, they're not embarrassed around me and they're mostly past that really immature phase so they are fun to interact with.

Ha. ha. ha.

Yeah, let's go talk to my pubescent (sorry, no offense guys) male cousins about why having a small penis would not reduce your chances of spreading HIV... (that was a legitimate question they asked me). Or what the benefits of having sex are besides having children... So I didn't really think that part through, so I did blush pretty hard when trying to answer those kind of questions to 14-17 yr. old boys, but it was probably the most fulfilling thing I've done here so far. The fact that they were comfortable enough with me to ask those questions is super cool. We did almost an hour of questions and I feel like I really left a positive impression on them. The only thing I regret is writing down my real phone number when they asked for my contact information.

I have a bit more to go buuuuuut I tend to ramble so I'm gonna end this here so as to keep your attention ;)

The Resident Muzungu

     I'm going to be perfectly blunt with ya'll right now. I have not been a good little volunteer during my first month at site. I have been lazy, ungrateful, annoyed, and insensitive to the hardships around me. What is even worse is that for a little bit I forgot why I am here. I was in one of those places where I convinced myself to be unhappy. I looked at this experience with the attitude of a hormonal teenager. Then, I realized how difficult I was being. If I wanted to get anything done I was going to have to quit being such a baby. It sucks, you know, making that decision to try and put forth some sincere effort even if it won't be reciprocated. I mean I think we all knew that coming into it, that this would be a lot of work with potentially minute results, but we all had this little reserve of hope that maybe life-changing projects would fall into our laps and the negative experiences we heard about were just exceptions. I do think that this decision requires a very open-minded, resiliently positive and flexible person, because it's easy to get sucked into a state of mind that is desensitized to living here.
     What I mean by that is letting Kenya get to you. Another volunteer phrased life here as "Definitely simpler, but never easier". Knowing what life is like in America and expecting life in Kenya to be the same will make you lose your patience very fast. The past two weeks I've tried to appreciate the small differences and how they affect the people who live their entire lives dealing with them. I really feel so much better. I've set a goal for myself; to asses the rehabilitation programs for what the Kenyans so affectionately call "street children"here in Kitale. I'm going to focus on the Mental Health aspect and its importance. I already started observing one program and was able to participate in an HIV/AIDS lesson and free lunch for around 100 kids. It was really great getting to meet so many of them because now they know me around Kitale and I don't feel so nervous around them.
     So I haven't done too much else. Just a lot of research and information gathering. I also made my mama a rocket stove yesterday! She is just such a sweet lady I wanted to surprise her with something because she is always making sure I am okay. I can't wait until she can actually use it; our kitchen is always filled with smoke because we just do the 3 stone method (a pot sitting on the edge of three stones and the fire in between the stones) which is also pretty inefficient for burning wood compared to the Rocket stove. Plus Peter helped me do a lot and we got to spend the better part of a day doing it so it was a lot of fun!
     I am really starting to love my life here! My family is really great, I've started making friends and people know me around town and are really nice. And I've found some motivation to do work! Of course that doesn't mean that I don't miss home. Today is actually my boyfriend's birthday and one of our best friend's birthdays so I am pretty bummed that I can't be there to help them celebrate because we always have a good time. But I'm sure they will still have a great time- so I hope they both just have fun for me :) Also I only have 50 days until Jarred comes to visit me! Yay! My dad is really awesome and they worked together this week to make sure he got his flight booked and everything. I was really excited about that. Well I don't think I have much else going on... I didn't think it had been that long since my last blog post but it has actually been a few weeks! It is crazy how time flies here! It's not like I have even been that busy I don't think, the days themselves feel fairly slow but overall... kind of hard to imagine that I've already been in Kenya 110 days! Wowza.
Until next time :)